Reflections

Many people come to therapy saying some version of this: “I know what I want… but I also don’t.”  “I know who I am when I’m on my own, but it all evaporates when I’m in a relationship.”  “I feel pulled in two directions all the time and it causes me stress and anxiety.”  “I feel like a fraud saying I like the colour blue, when I know my room is painted yellow.” (The last one isn’t true, but it illustrates the problem people feel when they can’t find a bridge between different

When we are born, we don't know how to live. We're not aware of ourselves, our separateness from our mothers. We don't ask questions, at least not consciously. When we go to preschool, we feel anticipation, curiosity, and sometimes anxiety. School teaches us how to take directions from others. We are being guided. Perhaps this is why the first thing we say to our therapist is: I don't know how to do therapy.   I often answer with a simple: it's your space, it's your playgroun

Sometimes people think anger is beneath them. Not because they've transcended it, but because they've learnt to see it as something crude, uncontrolled, belonging to people who can't manage themselves properly. If you grew up watching anger used as a weapon - shouting, abusive words, emotional explosions - you might have decided early on that you'd never be that person. You'd be better. More controlled. Above it. But anger doesn't disappear because you've decided it's beneath

You might wonder how some people don't dwell on difficult emotions and seem to move on easily. It can feel like they’re choosing not to feel certain things. The truth is, no one gets to choose their emotions, but some people have learned how to understand their feelings and use them as signposts. They feel contentment and act from it. They feel sadness and allow it to be there. They feel anger and can respond to it without getting stuck in it. So, the point isn’t about choosi