Reflections

What Ambivalence Really Is Ambivalence means having conflicting feelings, wishes, or impulses at the same time. You can: Want closeness and fear it. Long for clarity and resist simplification. Desire change and grieve what would be lost. Feel proud of who you are and still feel shame. Psychodynamic and relational approaches understand ambivalence not as indecision but as a sign of complexity. It often appears when different parts of the self have learned to survive in dif

When we are born, we don't know how to live. We're not aware of ourselves or our separateness from our mothers. We don't ask questions, at least not consciously. When we go to preschool, we feel anticipation, curiosity, and sometimes anxiety. School teaches us how to take directions from others. We are being guided. Perhaps this is why the first thing we say to our therapist is: I don't know how to do therapy. I often answer with a simple: it's your space, it's your playgroun

The Cost of Being "Above" Anger When you can't let yourself feel angry, that feeling doesn't vanish. Instead, it transforms into anxiety—a constant hum of unease. It can lead to depression, that heavy sense that nothing matters. It may show up as self-hatred and self-loathing. If you can't be angry at the person who hurt you, that anger has to go somewhere. It manifests as headaches, tension, and irritability. You might feel like everyone is against you. You may notice you're

You might wonder how some people don't dwell on difficult emotions and seem to move on easily. It can feel like they’re choosing not to feel certain things. The truth is, no one gets to choose their emotions, but some people have learned how to understand their feelings and use them as signposts. They feel contentment and act from it. They feel sadness and allow it to be there. They feel anger and can respond to it without getting stuck in it. So, the point isn’t about choosi